crossing into the dream

 the ontological strength of a dream is weak. it's just the random a kind of work-out for your psyche while you sleep. it didn't really happen. the protagonist in the dream wasn't really you. the dream might indicate things about your psyche, that's all. despite the feelings you felt in the dream feeling utterly real to you at the time.

the ontological strength of a fantasy is weaker. by definition, it doesn't really happen.

you can dismiss your crossdreaming. 'it's just a dream'. the real you was asleep at the time. like waking up from a powerful dream, that may be a relief or a frustration.

some crossdreamers up the ontological strength of their crossdreaming thru crossdressing, bodily transitioning or political gender self-identification.

for others, going beyond the dismissive 'it's something i do, it's not who i am' takes ontology into subjective territory.

for us (for I am one of the above 'others'), there is no objective right or wrong. the life of our subjective consciousness is the only life we'll ever know. we have to create our own meta-truth.

 but philosophy is not in control. the rationalizing mind is not in control. the feelings rise up from the deep, and overwhelm.

 and there is the inprint you have made on the world. you can't disown that.

 i haven't kept it to myself, and i ain't no virgin.

 if transgender is defined broadly, and in not in terms of what you do but of how you feel, then it's out there that i am a transwoman.

 that is a headfuck. it is vitally important to my self-awareness.

are transwomen women? that political question is another issue.

do transwomen have in them an essential femaleness? that scientific questiuon is also another issue.

i return to my key concern. my crossdreaming is real. it is not something i wake up from.xx