queen

 

 i am a queen.

 omg!!

 

 

on second thoughts...wheee!!..yes!!...whoopee!!

 

[winks to all fellow queens out there. it's lovely, isn't it?]

 

i partly resist this, partly love it.

i am training myself to accept that the resistance is denial.

oh, i know you think 'well, of course she is one!' and of course you are right. its sobering to think that in some ways you know me better than i do.

oh of course i have to justify the terminology (sigh!). there's too much fuss made about vocabulary, these days, methinks. 

 i don't mean i am a monarch. except perhaps monarch of my inner world. 

no, queen is an old-fashioned slang term for feminine man. mostly gay feminine man, from when trans existed within the gay culture (roughly, roughly, okay - i am not a historian). 

it's just a lovely term. even the sound of it is so feminine, like the word 'feminine' itself. 

i could say 'i am a crossdreamer', and sometimes i do. but that doesn't have the same resonance.

a queen has got femininity written all over them, at least in the eyes of those who know how to look.

there's no compulsion to display queenliness in rl, and i don't. but a problem with keeping it to yourself is that it can help you to hide it from yourself when you want to.

i should accept that i am a full-time queen. the queenliness isn't always active, but it's always there. when it's away it's away inside me, resting in a boudoir at the back of the palace of self.

queen needn't be a flashy camp thing. i can be a serious, sensitive, thoughtful queen.

and i think i am. xxx