deeply Deborah

 

a trans self-image can seem like a party outfit. it's for the fun times. it's light and zippy. it's for dancing.  it's disco music, not classical.

maybe.

but your party self, your sexual self, is not trivial. it's an important and revealing part of life. solemn contemplation is only one mode of being, and maybe nit such a superior one. when you solemnly contemplate yourself, don't think 'this contemplative self is the true me'.

at least explore taking your transness - which God knows feels so vital - into your deep self-image. be your f self as you introspect and philosophize. maybe your non-party m mode has been built on false assumptions about your gender.

your serious self can be reperceived in deep acknowlegement of your transness. it's at least a mind game worth playing. if we never play with our mindsets we are but feeble products of conditioning. perhaps.

so experiment. i claim no scientific facts. just a freedom to explore and to exercise some self-determination. in relation to what is, is, is vital within me, party or no party.